Photography: DeWayne Rogers
Wardrobe Styling: Linday Hillyard
It’s a cold New York City morning at Manhattan’s Auction House, and hip-hop star-turned-reality star
Joe Budden
is in a talkative mood. He’s had a busy few weeks; the new season of
“Love & Hip Hop” has premiered, beaming the Jersey-born emcee into
America’s living rooms weekly, and the release of his third studio
album,
No Love Lost, looms just a few days away. His journey to
get to where he is now — a place of peace, he claims — was fraught with
missteps. He’s had more than his fair share of high-profile
relationships go bad. His breakups with video models Esther Baxter and
Tahiry Jose were public and messy, with allegations of abuse and
miscarriages plastered on countless gossip blogs. In 2009 and 2010, he
was sought by authorities for failing to make child support payments.
The Slaughterhouse member has also openly struggled with sobriety and he
missed his famed supergroup’s concert in March of 2012 due to being
jailed over a simple parking ticket.
But today, Budden views all of those moments as simply part of his evolution as a man.
“My sole purpose is just to improve and evolve and keep the focus on
me,” he explains. “Doing that, you pick up on certain things and you
learn certain things. Looking at myself back then, my mind-[set] was in a
very different place. Not to say volatile, but I wasn’t as intact as I
am today.”
But he’s still not afraid of rolling the dice. How else can one explain
his willingness to allow his notoriously tumultuous love life to play
out on the small screen? He and Jose have gone back-and-forth via
Twitter and exchanged barbs in interviews; and now the world is
witnessing their personal drama unfold. “Closure would be nice,” Joe
says of the ongoing push-pull with Tahiry. “But that’s a luxury at this
point between her and I. Would I prefer it? Yes. Will it ever be? Who
the f–k knows?”
Exacerbating the tensions has been Joe’s relationship with his former
“friend” Raqi Thunda, who’s also featured on the show. “That
relationship is nonexistent,” he says bluntly. “I won’t say it’s because
of the show. It’s because of her. The show didn’t do anything — to me,
anyway. That was bound to come to its end whether the show was happening
or not.”
On top of a hip-hop career and his burgeoning reality show fame, his
well-tread history with some of hip-hop’s most beautiful woman has
created a ladies’ man persona that Budden claims doesn’t affect him — no
matter how much it seems to intrigue everyone else.
“As much as it is communicated, I don’t view myself that way,” he
says with a laugh. “It’s almost a joke when I hear it. To me, it’s as
simple as, I’m attracted to women that a lot of other people seem to be
attracted to as well. They’re all beautiful and amazing women —
physically, at least. It doesn’t set me apart. But I’m very transparent
with them. Maybe most other people are not. Maybe I live in a bubble, in
that respect. But that pretty much is always what it is.”
“Since the time I started rapping, I’ve learned to be transparent,”
Budden says, and there aren’t many things he’d be nervous about sharing.
“It depends on what those things are [laughs]! But I’m a pretty big
risk-taker.”
Unlike some artists who have made similar transitions to television,
Joe doesn’t view reality TV with any fear or apprehension. “I didn’t
really see a reason to be opposed to [the show],” Budden shares. “It was
never really something I was ever opposed to. This was just another
outlet for people to get a better understanding of who I am as an
individual. And to see some of the struggles that I went through. If it
could help at least one person out there, it was all worth it.
“If new fans are attracted — [that’s] great. If older fans can get a
better understand or another perspective on Joe Budden, then I welcome
that, too. All things [are] welcome.
“You wanna make the most out of life. Life is short,” he says of why
he ultimately did the show. “You wanna do as much as you can for as many
people as you can. That’s just the person I’ve grown into. It wasn’t
always the case. … But today, you evolve. Any new experience,
opportunity or door that God puts in front of me to walk through, I’m
gonna trust him and walk through [it.]”
That openness and those early career scars are what have helped shape
Budden’s perspective. He says that drug abuse became a part of his life
because of his inability to cope with what comes along with fame.
Whereas some artists get sucked into a “lifestyle” by outside
influences, Joe says he just wanted to escape. And once he started, it
was hard to break free. “It was just a severe case of me being
overwhelmed,” he says.
“I’ve been in this game for a long time and people drinking and doing
whatever happens to be their vice of choice — that never affected me.
That was me. Not to say other people wouldn’t be influenced, but for me,
it was never that. For me, it was, ‘If I wanna do something, I’m gonna
do it.’ Whether other people agree or disagree.”
But the rapper admits that he knows better than to surround himself
with people who participate in activities he’s distancing himself from.
“When you‘re trying to live a certain way you keep good people around
you,” he concedes.
But he doesn’t blame fame for his mistakes. “The fame part is the
simplest part,” Budden shares. “You’re more recognized than the average
person. Whoop-de-do. I’m filled with too much humility for that to move
me one way or another. I’m not altered by it. But all the things that
come along with fame probably affected me. And the way I deal with those
things today is entirely different.”
“[My] music is always inspired from real life … so anything that
[I’ve endured] — whether that be television, relationships, pain and joy
— anything that causes some type of emotion, inspires the music,” he
says. “[No Love Lost] is like the polar opposite from my last album,
Padded Room. Not because the approach was entirely different, [but]
because I’m different today. The music is still introspective, very
melodic, very personal, very graphic, very in-depth, but life is
different today. I’m in a better place than I was in 2008 and 2009 and
that’s all you can ask for — continuously being in a better place.
Budden isn’t worried that his stint on reality television will
eclipse his hip-hop career. And he isn’t pressed that his romantic life
has become fodder for watercooler conversations. “I don’t view myself as
wearing all these different hats — the rapper, the reality star — I’m a
human first,” he says. “I just happen to be able to rap very well. And
people happen to wanna see me on TV. It’s really just that simple for
me.”
Viewing his world through its simplest prism is what helps Budden
deal with the lifestyle that he says once overwhelmed him; as well as
trusting his own mind, regardless of naysayers. He admits that, in the
past, his stubbornness has been a double-edged sword. But it’s also been
his greatest asset. “It’s helped me because I can sleep well at night. I
went through a period where I second-guessed everything I did and took
advice from other people. And I didn’t sleep well. I decided that I
didn’t wanna live that way anymore,” he says.
And that’s who Joe Budden remains; through it all, a headstrong guy
from Jersey City who’s still going to do what he wants to do.
“Has it hurt the process? Yeah — you get in your own way sometimes
and that stubbornness takes its toll. But there’s no reward without any
risk. And that’s a risk I’ll always be willing to take,” he affirms.
This story is credited to +rollingout.com.
